Tae bide in Lochgelly I bocht a wee hoose,
But cracks soon appeared and the roof tiles fell loose,
This couldnae be richt so I speired for the truth –
Dinnae mess wi the Mossmorran Gaffer!
Dinnae mess wi the Mossmorran Gaffer!

I phoned up the Plant juist efter midnicht,
Though it micht hae been daytime the sky was sae bricht,
The hale street was lowpan, I had tae haud ticht –
Aw because o the Mossmorran Gaffer!
Dinnae mess wi the Mossmorran Gaffer!

I phoned up again tae say it got worse,
I made ma complaint in chapter in verse,
They telt me the place where tae stick it, of course,
Free advice fae the Mossmorran Gaffer!
Dinnae mess wi the Mossmorran Gaffer!

So I went tae the paper and spoke wi the Ed,
His face it turned grey and he just shook his head,
“Never a bad word will ever be said….”
Dinnae mess with the Mossmorran Gaffer!
We’re gey thrang wi the Mossmorran Gaffer!

I went tae ma cooncillor tae complain o the roar,
But I got up her daunder and she slammed the door,
“I’m awa tae the Tattoo – I’ll hear ye no more!”
O the munificent Mossmorran Gaffer!
Dinnae mess wi the Mossmorran Gaffer!

Wi the reek and vibration and chemical smell,
Efter a while I was no feeling masel,
So I went to SEPA, though they said they’d compel –
They were feart o the Mossmorran Gaffer!
Dinnae mess wi the Mossmorran Gaffer!

Next I went tae Fife Hoose tae mak them aware
O whit was gaun on and their duty o care –
Haud yer wheesht – we’ve got bairnies gaun swimming in there –
O they’re safe wi the Mossmorran Gaffer!
Dinnae mess wi the Mossmorran Gaffer!

Tae conclude ma tale I’m gey sick o their lees,
The truth is they juist dae whitever they please,
When it disnae blaw up we’re tae faa on our knees,
Tae gie thanks tae the Mossmorran Gaffer!
We’re obliged tae the Mossmorran Gaffer!
The deil scaud the Mossmorran Gaffer!